Dreams and Meat Dresses

The summer before seventh grade marked the beginning of my hip-hop career. I was equipped with Jnco Jeans—their major allure being able to carry two litter bottle sized amounts of oddities, completely hidden in either pocket—a notebook, and a dream. Never mind the fact I knew virtually nothing about music; I figured that would come later; probably after the first record deal.


My friend Michael and I would walk the streets of our lonely, 500 resident town, busting out mad beats. Michael was one of only two black kids in all of the Hermitage school district, so I felt he gave me the street cred I needed to pull off my desire of hip-hop stardom. And as a young man made of mostly 190 lbs of flabby meat and a bad bowl cut, I needed all the cred I could get my chubby fingers on.

We chose rap names for each other. I would be N-Igma, as in Enigma or a mystery, because undoubtably people would be a little confused by the husky white kid from southern Missouri who was busten’ mad rhymes. Michael would be 8-ball; because 8 balls are black and so was Michael. our wit was on full display.

The real urge to become a rap superstar was less about me and more about impressing the girl in my class that I had had a crush on since 4th grade—lets just call her Unattainable. She was a major hip hop enthusiast and had a crush on the rapper Ja Rule. I figured the only difference between Ja Rule and myself was that Ja Rule had a posse and had been discovered. I just need to get discovered and then a posse and then the girl. Or maybe I should get the posse first…


Our dreams were quickly dashed when the two of us found ourselves in a record store, face to face with our worst nightmare. There on the shelves, was a CD and emblazoned on the cover was the name 8ball. Michael was crushed. Instead of coming up with another name for him, we both agreed that the rap game just wasn’t ready for the two of us and we hung up our mic’s forever. We would give up on our dream and I would have to get the girl another way. The posse was still a possibility.


The other day I posted on my social media account, “Do whatever makes you happy, not what others think should make you happy.” and though it garnished several thumbs up, one comment really stuck out to me, like a sore thumb. It read:

“yeah you do that, see where it gets ya. :-)”

I suppose the smiley face was to show he was kidding or being sarcastic but either way it made me realize something: Change, scares and threatens people even if it has nothing to do with them. I recently decided to chase my dream—don’t worry its not of hip hop in nature–so that I can be happy for the ones around me. That threatens some people for some reason.

Our dreams are a lot like a pop star’s look: ever changing. Sometimes they go through their Lady Gaga’s meat dress stage. They’re ugly and only make sense to the person with the pork chop on their head; but wear that pork chop if you want to! Your dream may seem dumb at first, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least try, because you never know where it might lead you. Just make sure they’re for the right reasons, it’s what you really want, and that you’re not hurting anyone else in the process or impeding their ability to do the same.

Meat Dress

Now take us home Kid CuDi!

People told me slow my roll I’m screaming out f@%k that
Imma do just what I want lookin’ ahead no turnin’ back
If I fall if I die know I lived it to the fullest
If I fall if I die know I lived and missed some bullets

I’m on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain’t always gonna be gold, hey
I’ll be fine once I get it, yeah
I’ll be good.

AUTHORS NOTE: What is something embarrassing that you had aspirations of becoming as a child? Tell me in the comments below! This essay is factual and is part of my #TrueTuesday posts were I post nonfiction stories every tuesday. If you enjoy it please make sure you subscribe and check out my #FictionFridays! Thanks!


34 thoughts on “Dreams and Meat Dresses

  1. I remember those jeans, they were the ugliest things ever lol but the pockets would be very convenient minus the back bend you would have to do to get to the bottom of the pocket lol
    I gave up on my dream of being the next posh spice (who i picked only because everyone would try to call baby first and then be stuck as scary spice)
    ~ Keep it real ~


  2. Oh my, I remember JNCO jeans. i never had a true pair, but I tried to be cool like that. All the skaters in my town wore them and I wanted to be just like them.

    As for an embarrassing aspiration, I guess it would be a model. I was only 5’6″ and thought I would make it big in the modeling biz. I went to a New York modeling scouting event and didn’t get a single interest. How sad is that?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is so funny! I went through some really embarrassing phases and I choose to pretend it never happened. I’m glad I’ve turned out pretty decent though. Sometimes I’m amazed that I have.


  4. I absolutely love this post! Your descriptions made me smile & I could literally visually picture each detail of you and your buddy. I teach high school and I see so many kids that have a dream of being hip hop stars and fit the descriptions above! Thank you for the vivid imagery! 🙂


  5. Not really embarrassing but I had dreams of becoming another Wolfe Man Jack or Casey Kasem. I never followed through though. Got married and had kids instead.


  6. I had aspirations of being a movie star! You know they use to be glamours. I guess I never tried though. Just kept my small town life. I’m happy with it though. 🙂


  7. This is so true! But I think most of the time it takes us “growing up” a bit to realize that the ones we need to please our ourselves and not anyone else. Even though it’s true also, that a lot of people never realize this.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Embarrassing well not really that guess when I was a kid I had many things I wanted to be: teacher, astronaut, model (I’m 5’1 1/2), singer but I opted for the Health industry lol

    Truth: I want to be a traveler that gets paid to do reviews on food & life!!

    I love your posts, man reminded me of my bad ass days LLS still am in a diff way. Shoot rebels to the end homie :))

    Liked by 1 person

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